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      新婚的老婆

      來源: 作者:

      煙花

      兒子:老媽,給我十塊錢,我要買煙花!老媽給了兒子十塊錢。老爸看到兒子手里有十塊錢:兒子,錢給我給你買煙花了,怎么樣?兒子很開心的把錢給了老爸……不一會,兒子哭著找到老媽:老媽,爸爸把你給我的十塊錢買煙花了。老媽:尼瑪,你不是跟我要錢買煙花的?你老爸給你買煙花了,還哭什么???兒子:他就是騙子!他是把我的錢買了一盒煙給花了!

      退學

      學生:“老師,我想退學!”老師:“退學?退學后你想干什么去?”學生:“我想當黑社會!”老師:“那就更應該上學啦!”學生:“為什么?”老師:“你語文老師打人的拳法你會了嗎,數學老師扇人的掌法你學會了嗎,英語老師的吼人功夫你會了嗎,體育老師的踢人的腿法你學會了嗎?”學生:“老師,我回教室啦!”

      來電

      老公手機有個陌生來電,老婆一把搶過去接了,只聽一個嬌滴滴的女聲說道:“你怎么這么長時間不來找我呀。。。”老婆氣急敗壞地把手機扔給老公,大吵大鬧起來。為了平復老婆的怒氣,老公只好陪她逛街,買了她一直想要的那個包包才算完?;氐郊?,看到老婆電話響了,我接起來,只聽里面一個女的說道:“包包到手了嗎?”

      抱怨

      昨天早上老婆上街買包子回來對我抱怨說:“唉,買幾個包子也要這么費勁。”我問:“怎么啦?”“街上的包子鋪新來倆妹子、一看就不是什么正經貨,穿的那么暴露,一大撥狂蜂浪蝶圍著買包子,害得老娘一頓好等。”其實老婆也是挺辛苦的,我想著為她分擔一下,于是今天一大早我便起床買包子去了,可是,哪里有衣著暴露性感妹子???我買包子回來,老婆還在床上睡的正香。

      委屈

      我下班回家,剛推開門,老婆一伸腿,把我絆倒在地,我摔了一跤,我爬起來,怒問老婆:“你……你這是干什么?”老婆:“兒子讓我這么干的!”我啪啪給兒子一巴掌:“小兔崽子,你敢讓你媽把我絆倒! ”兒子一臉委屈:“我給媽媽說,我想看《摔跤吧,爸爸》”。

      發飆

      我:“今天你怎么沒戴項鏈。”老婆直接了當的說:“掉了!”看到我要發飆,她立刻又飛快的說道,“你可別想著兇我,半個月前就掉了,開始還有點怕你罵我,現在不怕了!來來來,我們先討論一下這半個月你有沒有關心我,然后再說丟項鏈的事兒!”

      簽名

      前段時間,一妹子的簽名這樣寫:我愛你,不是因為你開蘭博基尼,住海邊別墅,而是那天陽光正好,你穿著一件我喜歡的白襯衫,對,愛情就這么簡單。今天她又更新了簽名,這樣寫的:我離開你不是因為你的別墅是租的,蘭博基尼是借的,是那天你穿了一雙綠襪子,那不是我喜歡的顏色,對,愛情就這么簡單。

      磨蹭

      回來休息沒幾天,工頭來家里又通知我收拾行李去新工地,這才幾天啊,真心舍不得離開新婚的老婆,離別之際,我擁抱著她,她卻一言不發。。。我知道她有些不舍,我又何嘗不是,但是生活所迫沒辦法。。。我流著淚渴望的看了看工頭,工頭卻不耐煩的說的:“還磨蹭個啥,把你老婆疊在箱子里趕快走吧!”

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