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      祝福的話

      來源: 作者:

      錯不了

      我想買一雙皮鞋,在選酒紅色還是土黃色時猶豫不決,于是向同事征求意見。同事也拿不定主意,跟我說:“你等等,我問問我老公。”過了一會兒,同事說:“我老公說土黃色好看,那你就買酒紅色的,肯定錯不了!”

        祝福的話

        一天,張員外請師傅蓋一座羊舍,建成后讓師傅說些祝福的話。師傅長得又高又大,便說:“希望你的羊能長得像我這么大。”

      張員外聽了非常高興,可是師傅又嘟囔了一句:“我三十多年才長這么大!”

        贊美

        小王老是交不到女友,于是他找情場高手小李請教。

        小李說:“跟女孩子交往的時候,最重要就是適時地給予贊美。例如她的眼睛飛進了一只蚊子,你要夸她的眼睛大。”

        小王記住了,周日就約了一個女孩去爬山。

      路上,女孩的嘴里飛進了一只蚊子,小王就說:“你的嘴巴好大??!”

        先放什么

      小明不會做家務活。這天,他發微博求助:“蛋炒飯是先放蛋還是先放飯?”回復者眾多。20分鐘后,小明又發了條微博:“我聽從了大多數人的意見,先放的蛋,但是為什么沒有人告訴我要先放油?現在我的鍋都黑了……”

        武俠風

        中午我到一個充滿武俠風的飯館吃飯,那里的菜味道一般,但比較有特色。店里管顧客叫“客官”,管服務員叫“小二”,菜名也帶著武俠風,比如“紅燒鵝掌”叫“降龍十八掌”,“羊肉煲”叫“九陽神功”……

      我在吃“九陽神功”這道菜的時候,看到一只蟑螂在桌子上跑來跑去。我生氣地叫小二過來,小二一見連聲高呼:“有刺客!”

        驚艷的穿著

        一位著名詩人的妻子穿著一套華麗的晚禮服出現在宴會上,艷驚四座。

        有人對詩人贊賞地說:“太棒了,您太太今天的裝扮簡直就像一首詩!”

        詩人搖頭答道:“豈止是一首詩,足足花了我半部詩集的稿費!”

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