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      成人不自在

      來源: 作者:

        高中的死黨之一貓咪去年年底做媽媽了。我在得知消息的第二天突然興起,丟下一切正在忙碌的事跑去看她,到她的病房時發現竟是空的,問了護士,知道她正在樓下的育嬰室,便找了去?!   ?/p>

      站在光潔的走廊上,隔著育嬰室的厚玻璃和帷幕尋找了很久,我終于隱約看到她在遠遠的角落里,生疏笨拙地捧著小貓,看得癡了。我在這邊看了良久良久,淚落不止?!   ?/p>

      后來,貓咪也發現我了,抱起小貓遠遠走過來,我及時擦干眼淚。隔著厚玻璃聽不見聲音,但是看貓咪的嘴形,我知道她在問孩子長得像誰。我圈著食指和拇指比比眼睛,示意小貓的眼睛大如父母的。見我這樣夸小貓,貓咪笑得很開心,一邊笑,一邊看懷中的小貓,看著看著又癡了?!   ?/p>

      如此的經驗,于我已經太多了。尤其一兩年內,好朋友們結婚的十之七八,我每每在婚宴一開始就感到和過去有很大的不同,往往在一旁看得惆悵萬分,甚至屢屢將眼前的酒一飲而盡,為的是遮掩那就要涌上來的淚。每一個婚宴上,我都好像是那“女朋友結婚了,新郎不是我”的失意男子?!   ?/p>

      無聊的,還是自己吧?!   ?/p>

      舉行高三畢業典禮那天,我們幾個死黨鄭重地起誓:將來一定要嫁給有錢人,然后約好時間一道想辦法離婚,再一起背著騙得的私房錢或贍養費去環游世界,一生都在一起不分離。絕不再理別的男子,絕不讓愛情故事把我們拆散。用這樣天真幼稚的想法去面對世事滄桑,真是可笑可憐??墒墙裉?,若還有一樣的情境要來起誓,我一定又是率先響應的那一個?!   ?/p>

      誰知道十五六歲就是那樣幼稚的呢?    

      但是,到底還是長大了。尤其每一次面對著那一張張熱情發亮的十五六歲的臉——竟然發現,從我口中說出來的最真心誠意的話,亦是昔時父母師長殷殷對我所說的話。這太令我震驚了。我不愿意承認這是被磨圓了角后的隨俗(雖然那其實并不壞且不容易練成),更不愿意承認這是成長必須經歷的無奈和悲哀——總得自己一步一步走過,不管重復的是一幕幕多么無聊和老套的故事?!   ?/p>

      “成人不自在,自在不成人”,短短十個字,卻是要我怎么樣才能被馴服呢?    

      佛家有一則故事。佛在無熱惱池集會,眾人皆到,唯大弟子舍利子不時從會,佛命目犍連前往召之。目犍連承命而往,舍利子正在補護法衣。舍利子曰:“須我補竟,與子偕行。”目犍連道:“若不速行,欲運神力,舉爾石室至大會所。”舍利子乃解衣帶置地,曰:“若舉此帶,我身或動。”目犍連便運大神通,舉帶不動,地為之震。因以神足還詣佛所,見舍利子已在會坐,目犍連俯而嘆曰:“乃今以知神通之力不如智慧之力矣。”    

      我這才懂得,自己一直以來竟是目犍連,神通之力較之儕輩或可謂大矣,但畢竟有舉衣帶不動之時。地能為之震是何等了不得的事,我也得棄如敝屣,從今專心于智慧之力了?!   ?/p>

      這或許就是長大成人吧,雖遲,但終歸是好的。

      Tags: 經典語錄

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